It is a brand new year, y’all. 2024. More accurately, it is already the 4th day of the new year. For those four days, I have been intentionally unintentional – and it has been magical.
First, I ended 2023 well. I used the break from school to be intentionally gentle with myself. There were things I wanted to do, productive things, like read smart stuff, declutter neglected spaces, catch up on neglected projects, refocus on my health, shower every day – and I did those things. But I also wanted to shower whenever I wanted to, not really break a sweat in a workout, tick off the to-dos that I wanted to do, tackle a mess when I felt like it, and read at a different pace. I also wanted to watch more TV, wake up without an alarm, play a game on my phone. I did those things, too. The result? When 2024 came calling for my intentions, I intentionally made none.
I intentionally made none.
The first thing that happened was completely unexpected; I felt completely okay about this idea. When I first decided that I was going to declare nothing on January 1st, I expected my body to revolt. This is not my normal flow. While I may not refer to myself as disciplined, structured, or overly consistent, I want to want to be disciplined, structured, and overly consistent. I also want to be none of those things. On paper, that idea looks ridiculous. In real life, I think more of us feel that way than don’t. There is a guilt associated with this idea that has plagued me over the years. I have been given this life, and shouldn’t I be working to make it…well, whatever it is that I am supposed to make it? Of course, there is no telling what that is. I can guess at it, but I have no way of knowing that I have intuited the intention of the universe correctly. There are a ton of folks out there talking about “the way” to figure out what that is. The ideas are good, and I appreciate them taking the time to think deep thoughts; they are great conversations that have the potential to do great good. But, it is not definitive. We are all just guessing.
We are all just guessing.
Therefore, I can only surmise that my body cooperated because I had hit on the right combination for me: I knew there was a path; I also knew that I didn’t see the entry point yet; I trusted it would show itself; I would be still until it was time to do something about it. I have tried each of these ideas before, but I am fairly certain this is the first time I have ever done them all at the same time. It worked.
The next thing that happened was a Facebook post by a woman who, I think, I might have met IRL once. If that is true, I couldn’t tell you any more about it. But Jessie Edenfield shared that she, too, was not answering the call of the calendar – at least not the calendar that hangs on the wall. Instead, she suggested a natural approach. In other words, January 1st is still in the throes of winter; nothing in the natural cycle responds to the page flip. For herself, she was going to remain in winter – both the natural season and her own moments of “rest and reflection.” When the season changes, it will be spring, the natural time for rebirth and growth.
Everything in me said, “YES!”
So, I continued to just hang out. In fact, I became more intentionally unintentional. As I sat on the couch with my husband, eating leftovers and watching TV, I felt the pull to do the things that create the coveted “streaks.” In my world, these are things like a 30-minute walk, Duolingo, drinking 80 ounces of water, and completing my brain game. I thought about getting up to do those things. How long would it take? Maybe an hour? It was completely doable, and I would start the new year off with my 2024 streak intact – a streak that I know I will break, a streak that I know will motivate out of guilt instead of pleasure, a streak that will create a fake idea of self-worth. I sat my ass right there on my couch, next to my husband, for the rest of the day.
When I woke up on Tuesday (sans alarm clock), things felt, interesting. I felt motivated. I wanted to accomplish something, but I didn’t really want it to be a big something. So, I decluttered my coffee corner. It felt amazing. How nice it is to start my morning at a part of the counter that reflects an accomplishment. So, Mike and I tackled the whole kitchen. Y’all, that shit was not life-changing, but it felt life-changing.
Yesterday, I finished reading a book I started at the beginning of break. Today, I started thinking about what my life will look like when I head back to school on Monday. Still, I make no declarations. Still, I am intentionally unintentional. Come Monday (it’ll be alright), I will have to make decisions about schedules, routines, and, yes, intentions. Actually, that needs to be done by Sunday, but I couldn’t delete my “Come Monday” reference. You should toss out everything I say if I were the kind of person that could do that.
So, happy new year, y’all. If you made resolutions and intentions that feel good for you, I love that. If you didn’t, I love that too. Here’s to another day on the calendar – however you choose to flip the page.
Oh, you can follow Jessie on the Tok here 😊
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