Week 6 – Getting Up and Going to Work

Today’s writing almost got rescheduled. My book club is reading Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan. I started it yesterday; so far, so good. I feel like I understand Joy Davidson and her struggles fairly well (or, I should say, the Joy Davidson as presented by Callahan). This writing session was already getting worked out in my head, and it all nearly came to a stop when, in a letter to Lewis, Davidson says, “Don’t you know that pain of baring your soul in the writing and suffering because of it?” Lewis replies, “Yes, Joy, I know that pain well. When we write the truth, there isn’t always a grand group applauding. But write it we must” (30). 

My whole brain stopped, ripped the “Getting up and Going to Work” paper clear out the typewriter, and feverishly fed a clean sheet in. 

There is so much going on in that thought. And to quell any reality TV speculation about what specific “truth” in my life I am talking about, let me suggest that this idea plays in all of our lives. Writer or no, we all understand, on some level, the fear, pain, comfort, consequences of vulnerability, of opening our mouths, pressing record, uncapping our pen, breaking out a clean sheet, and telling our truth as best we know it. 

But that is a topic for another day. I briefly mentioned this work business last week…and I am much more interested in talking about the why and how of what I do…or at least, I believe it is time for me to start gaining some clarity about why I get up and go to work. 

I got my first job when I was 14. I waited tables at what was possibly the oldest truckstop in America, Ida Mae & Joe’s Truck Stop on Highway 17 in Midway, Georgia. That is not hyperbole, by the way. Opened in the 1930’s, roughly 20 years before I-95, you’d be hard pressed to find one older.

But I digress…I have always worked. It is what I do. I have not always done it well, and I have not always been successful, but I have always had a job.

Full disclosure: There was a brief period of time in 2017 when Mike was concerned about my mental health and stress levels, and he asked me to “just quit and stay home” – it was a lovely 4 months.

There have been times when I didn’t want to, or think I could, get out of bed. Times when I felt like (and probably was) a failure. There were periods of intense sadness, confusion, depression, fear, and uncertainty. In those times, I learned that even when I had no idea what to do, I knew how to get up and go to work. 

University is no different. It presents differently because our capitalist mentality struggles to discuss value outside of financial language (which is not a value statement, just a fact). But in practice, it is the same. I get up, I go to work. 

I had second thoughts after I accepted the offer to attend the University of Tennessee. It was not about the University or the offer – both are amazing. Rather, the doubts involved going anywhere at all. We knew Mike would not be making the move, our family is mostly local, my niece and great-nephew were relocating to the area – I would be leaving my family for at least four years. Was this the right thing to do? 

The beautiful thing about my life is that I am blessed with the most supportive husband and framily. 
The challenge in discernment sometimes is that I am blessed with the most supportive husband and framily. 

Nobody was going to tell me to reconsider. Nobody was going to suggest that I not go. In fact, my husband and a few others have become so invested in this journey that my hoodie will be their hoodie. While they miss me, I think they would have been a bit disappointed if I had changed my mind. 

So, I went to the one person who never sugarcoats anything and is definitely not gonna say stuff just because it’s what you want to hear – Father Dawid. 

I explained I was having second thoughts. I was worried about leaving my family. I had prayed about it, and so far, it all appeared to be answered prayer. But what if it wasn’t? Father Dawid asked a single question:

“Is Mike good with it?” 
“Yes, yes, he is more than good with it.”
“Then you go. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“Because, Father. I cannot see how this decision works in my relationship with God. It just seems too big not to have a clear purpose. How do I do this thing in the world and make it meaningful?”
“That’s easy. You sanctify the work.”

And with that one sentence, Father Dawid changed everything for me and the way I viewed this thing that I had always done. 

Ok, that may be a bit of hyperbole. He placed the changes into motion. While I have not wavered from my intent to sanctify the work since that moment, actually doing it is something else entirely. 

First, I had no idea what that even meant. Father Dawid sent me to St. Josemaría Escrivá, who, in 1928, founded Opus Dei (“The Work of God”), an organization dedicated to spreading the message that “Work, family life, and the ordinary events of each day are opportunities for drawing close to Christ, and making Him known to others” (Opus Dei). When Pope John Paul II declared him a saint on October 6, 2002, he called him “the saint of ordinary life.”

Admittedly, I have not done as much study in this area as I ought. This oversight contributed to some of my difficulties over the past 47 days. As I looked back over my thoughts last week, I noticed that I look to my husband at least as often as I look to God. And when my husband is not there, my heart breaks in a way that distracts me into my own lack and away from God’s provision. 

So, I am taking this as a gift, a reminder that God has sent direction and I must cooperate in following it…give me this day my daily bread…

There is so much more to this conversation. I have notes and thoughts on what it means to be a professional, how to gain clarity in and through work, what work sanctification looks like in practice, how does God want my colleagues to see him in me, how do I remain respectful in an environment with multiple belief systems, how do I make Christ centered choices in a professional environment, and so on…

But, as I am oft to do, I have gone on long enough today…we will revisit. 

St. Thomas Aquinas, “Prayer of the St. Thomas Aquinas Before Study”

Ineffable Creator, who out of the treasures of your wisdom have appointed three hierarchies of angels and set them in admirable order, high above the heavens and have disposed the different parts of the universe in such marvelous array: You who are called the true source of light and supreme principle of Wisdom, be pleased to cast a beam of your radiance upon the darkness of my mind and dispel from me the twofold darkness of sin and ­ignorance in which I have been born.

You who make eloquent the tongues of little children, fashion my words and pour upon my lips the grace of your blessing. Grant me acuity to understand, capacity to ­retain, method and ease in study, insight in ­interpretation, and abundant grace of expression. Order the beginning, direct the progress, and perfect the completion of my work, you who are true God and Man and live and reign for ever and ever. Amen.